All Too Well
by brooketiff
Summary: Olivia runs into an old friend, but what happens when things don't go as planned? Can she ever get rid of these lingering feelings? Will she finally be able to move on?
1. Heat Wave

Disclaimer: none of these characters belong to me.

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"When the hell is maintenance coming to fix the damn AC?" Nick Amaro yelled, leaning back in his chair. His shirt was drenched in sweat, and he was fighting the urge to rip it off in front of the entire squad room. Not that anyone would mind, he decided, but Sargent Olivia Benson might not be too happy with his little show.

Amanda Rollins had to smile to herself. She knew what Nick was thinking - and she wasn't ready for a Magic Mike reenactment. They had been sleeping together, but a few weeks ago, she decided that their relationship wasn't what she wanted. She had been imagining someone… different in bed, and honestly, that was the end of things for her and Nick. Not to say she wouldn't get back with him if she was to get drunk and needy, but for now, things were good between them - as partners and friends. That was all she could handle right now.

"They'll be here, 'soon as they fix the rest of the city's problems," Odafin Tutuola teased, knowing it would get to Amaro. He was also sweating profusely, and wouldn't mind taking the top half of his outfit off, either. But he knew the rules. A short sleeved shirt was pushing it for him, really, but he couldn't take the heat… not today, anyway.

Nick rolled his eyes at Fin, and then looked at Amanda. "You see what I have to put up with this week?" he told her, referring to the fact that Amanda would be working with Olivia, because she decided to mix things up a little bit.

"Hey, Fin, Amaro… we've got a victim down at Bellevue, says she was raped by a federal agent…" the sergeant said, coming out of her office, looking at the men dripping with sweat. "Maybe get a shower in before you head down to the hospital?" She eyed them both.

"Yeah. Me first though," Fin said, hopping out of his chair to get back into the shower room.

"Maybe their AC will actually be on," Amaro gritted his teeth, before Olivia shot him a glance.

"Look, they're working as fast as they can. I know we're all a little tense because of the heat, but let's take it easy today. Rollins, I want you to see if you can find anybody else who claims a federal agent assaulted them. In the past few weeks. It seems to be every other day that this is happening, so I want to see where and when this pattern started," Olivia explained, turning to head back into her office.

Amanda nodded, and began researching what her boss asked her to.

"You doin' alright? With the heat I mean? You gotta fan or something to keep you cool tonight?" Nick asked, after Benson closed the door to her office. She must have had something important going on, as she usually left the door open. Or maybe it was just cooler in there… the detectives really weren't sure what was going on.

"Yeah, yeah… don't worry 'bout me. I'll be fine tonight," Amanda gave him a knowing smile. He was being a little too nice to her today. She knew he missed her, but she couldn't bring herself to give into what he wanted. No, this time, she needed to focus on herself. Something she didn't do too often. Ever since her yoga retreat, though, she decided that she had to think about what she wanted, and that was when she decided she had to break things off with Nick. It was not, under any circumstance, going to work out, and Amanda wasn't going to make it harder for her or Nick by staying with him out of guilt.

"Okay, well, I have a working AC, unlike this place, and could pick up some extra ice if you wanna have a drink…" Nick raised his brow, intentionally flirting, hoping he could talk her into coming over that night. His ego was a little bruised from when she turned him down last time he tried something like this, so he thought maybe, if he tried a little harder, she'd change her mind.

What Nick didn't know, though, was that Amanda made up her mind long before they'd ever started hanging out together. For Amanda, it wasn't that Nick was a bad guy, or even that he had a pushing personality, it was that he was such a good guy, and had such a great personality, that she would have done anything to get his attention in the beginning. But that was before she really took a look at herself, and thought about what she truly wanted. And that, unfortunately, wasn't Nick Amaro.

"I'll keep that in mind," Amanda said with a smile, letting him down gently, as she turned back to her computer screen to continue her search. Eventually, Fin came out, dressed in a new outfit, and Nick took his turn in the locker room. But before Nick could even appear showered to the party he was interested in, Amanda found something in the search database that made her mouth drop.

She went and knocked on Olivia's office door, and the sergeant motioned for her to come inside.

"Hey, Sarg-" she started to say, before Olivia shook her head. Amanda knew that Olivia hated it when people called her that, but she couldn't help it. It was the respectful thing to say, and Amanda knew that respect was very important in the profession that she was in.

"Olivia, please."

Amanda blatantly ignored her, and continued, "I found something in the database… just uploaded today… there have been three other cases, in the past week, of women being attacked by someone claiming to be FBI. The first woman lives in Virginia, the second in DC, and the third in Delaware."

"The fourth in Jersey, two days ago, and the fifth here, today," Olivia said, putting the pieces together in her mind. She knew there had to be a pattern, and she thought it originated in New York, went to Jersey, and then came back to the city. What she didn't count on, though, was that it began somewhere in Virginia and then made its way to the city.

Taking a breath, Olivia thought for a moment and then said, "Well, I guess you can go home and pack a bag."

"Why?"

"We're going to Virginia."


	2. Best Laid Plans

Please let me know what you all think xo

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When the pair got off the plane, it seemed much cooler outside than either had expected. Maybe it was the lack of humidity, or maybe it was a lower temperature - they didn't know or really care, it was just a nice break from New York's scorching heat.

"So, what, we pick up a rental and drive up the coast and stop in the states where the victims are?" Amanda asked with a yawn. She hadn't even bothered to ask Olivia what the plan was before they left, but now that they were there, she was curious. Amanda didn't mind being in the car for long periods of time, but she knew Olivia could get a bit antsy, especially if she wasn't driving.

"Yeah, hold on…" Olivia said, noticing her phone was ringing. She felt panic run through her - she hadn't left the city since she'd taken Noah in. Now, her phone was going off and it would take her at least three hours, if not more, to get back home. By then, anything could have happened. But she stopped the panic for a moment, just so she could answer the phone. "Lucy? Is everything okay?"

Amanda wanted to listen, to make sure that Noah was okay, but she was interrupted by the sound of her own phone going off. She went to answer it, but realized it was just a few texts all coming through at once. She didn't have service on the plane, but now she did, and the real world came back too fast. All of the texts were from Nick, asking if she had a good flight, if the weather was better in Virginia, what she and Olivia were up to, and when they'd be home. She knew all he really cared about was when she would be back in New York, but he was being desperate now. It was getting a bit ridiculous, and Amanda didn't even bother replying.

She looked up to Olivia at the front desk of the car service, and Amanda waited until the brunette came over to her to ask her how the phone call went.

"Everything okay with Noah?" she asked gently, looking at Olivia carefully, trying to read her. She couldn't help it - it was the detective in her to study people's reactions.

Olivia nodded with a smile. "Yeah, the sitter wanted to know if she could bring him to the park."

"In that weather?" Amanda questioned, a strange look on her face. Olivia knew what it was even if Amanda didn't. Amanda's motherly instinct was showing, and it made the sergeant smile to herself. "I don't think that's such a good idea." Amanda noticed the smile that had crept up on Olivia's face. "What?"

"Nothing… you're right, it would have been a terrible idea. I would've said yes on a cooler day, but with that heat, there's no way he wouldn't have burned himself on something," Olivia told her, knowing that was what Amanda was already thinking.

"How are things with Noah?" Amanda approached the subject softly. She wasn't entirely sure that Olivia wanted to share that part of her personal life with the blonde. The duo was walking out of the airport; they still had to make their way up to the car garage to pick up the rental car, and Olivia was walking a bit fast. Maybe, Amanda thought, she was just anxious to get this all over with. She had a life to go home to now, a little boy to raise. Amanda had herself. And although that was fine with her most days, it was days like today when she realized she didn't mind the company that this would provide.

Olivia gave her another smile. "Good… better than good, really. He's incredible. I think he'd like you," she said with a nod. She knew Amanda had been through her fair share of shit the past few years, and even before then. Amanda didn't realize how much she had changed - for the better - over the last couple of months, but Olivia and the team saw it.

Amanda shook her head. "I'm not great with kids," she admitted sadly. She wished she was, but honestly, it was for the best that she wasn't. Best not to get attached to things - especially not a kid that she couldn't handle. She had a pregnancy scare once, back in college, and she wasn't sure what she would've done if she had actually had the kid. It was a less than ideal situation, and to be truthful, it would be less ideal if she wanted to become a mother now that she was working in SVU. "But I'm sure he's great with you. You're always so kind and compassionate with the little ones," the blonde told her cheerfully.

Olivia had to grin. "I think you'd be fine with kids if you had the time to hang out with one. Maybe you could come over and visit Noah when we're back in New York. What are you doing next weekend?" she asked, pushing her way into Amanda's life a little bit. Olivia knew Amanda was lonely. She was exactly like Olivia used to be. The sergeant knew that the detective and Nick Amaro had been sleeping together, but she also heard through the grapevine that someone called it off. That someone didn't seem to be Nick, and Olivia knew it couldn't be good for Rollins to be spending all of her off time alone. Not with her past.

"No, I'd be intruding. Besides, don't you have plans for the holiday weekend?" Amanda insisted, feeling her stomach flip. Those feelings she'd been having for that someone else were back, and in full force. Unfortunately, those feelings were for her sergeant, her straight sergeant, and they could never come out. Not if she wanted to keep her job; which, by the way, she desperately did.

"I don't, actually, and I'm thinkin' if you don't, we should do something together, with Noah," Olivia pushed, knowing it would be good for Amanda, and for her to do something out of the norm. The women hadn't really hung out together outside of work, and Olivia decided they should have quite some time ago. She just never knew how to approach the subject.

Finally, the women reached the car in the car garage. Olivia slipped her key into the vehicle and unlocked it, and she and Amanda proceeded to get inside.

"C'mon," Olivia continued the conversation. "Wha'daya say?"

Amanda took a deep breath, partially calming her nerves from just being around Olivia, and partially giving in to what sounded like a terrible idea in her current state of puppy love, and said, "Okay. I can come over on Saturday, just let me know what time."

Olivia turned on the engine and began to pull out of the spot as she answered, "I was thinking around eight or so… I wanna take Noah to see the fireworks, and I'd love some company."

Amanda began to smile before she heard a car coming their way, and fast. "Watch out!" Amanda almost screamed, as Olivia slammed on the breaks and heard breaks from her left squeal to a stop, and Olivia became a mother bear. She got out of the car and slammed the door as Amanda followed her to see what she was going to do.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" she yelled at the other driver, before he even got out of the car. When he did, Amanda watched Olivia tense up. Did she know the driver? Then it dawned on her that they weren't in New York and the likelihood of that happening was very small, but then again, maybe she had seen his picture on a suspect database… he did kind of look like he could be aggressive, and his driving actions weren't helping his case.

"Olivia?" the driver asked, taking off his sunglasses, looking like he had seen a ghost.

"Elliot…" Olivia managed to get out, moments later.

'Oh, shit…' was all Amanda could think.


	3. What the Heart Wants

Just reminding everyone, I own nothing.

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Olivia had been surprised many times in her life. At her eighth birthday party, she had been surprised by a visit from her aunt, who encouraged her mother that it was okay to drink on Olivia's special day. She had been surprised by the same aunt again when she was twelve. This time, though, her aunt Joy had passed away - outside of a bar. When she got older, she was surprised when her friends at school decided they didn't want to hang out with her anymore. And then when her boyfriend broke her heart - although, she had to admit, she saw that coming. There were many more surprises, good and bad, when Olivia got on the job, but nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to what she felt now.

Maybe it wasn't surprise. Maybe it was shock. Maybe it was grief. Maybe… maybe it was something else entirely. Olivia didn't have time to think about it; she barely had time to react to the situation. She didn't even know how she was feeling right now, but she did know she was overwhelmed.

Olivia felt the anger that had built up inside of her for years suddenly surge through her as she pounded both fists on Elliot's car. She didn't know or care whether it was a rental or not, and Elliot didn't even bat an eyelash when she did that.

"What the hell?! What are you doing in Virginia?! What are you doing?! Do you know how many times I have tried to contact you?!" Olivia screamed before her voice broke. She wiped her hand against her forehead, not knowing if she could handle another breakdown over Elliot Stabler, but she didn't really have a choice at this point. It was happening.

"Liv-" he tried to say, tried to reason. But she shook her head. She couldn't let him in again. Not for him to break her heart like he'd done before. He looked defeated, hopeless, and hurt, but the expression on his face did not even compare to hers. He wanted to explain what happened, the ultimatum Kathy had given him… his son or his job. And her. Olivia. He'd have to leave her behind if he wanted to be with his son. So he did what any good father would do, and he left… just when things were finally going in the direction that they had always wanted. He was heartbroken, but she was just broken.

"No. No!" she screamed at him her voice broke. "You do not get to call me that. Get out of here!" she crumpled to the ground, and Amanda finally stepped in. She thought Liv had this under control, but she couldn't sit back and watch this man destroy her. Not again.

"Please-" Elliot tried to say, before he noticed this blonde woman whom he had never seen until now over at Olivia's side. She was trying to pick her back up. And finally, Elliot saw it. The way the other woman looked at Olivia. The way he used to look at Olivia.

Jealousy surged through him like in the old days. He wanted to be the only one to comfort Olivia. He wanted to have her in his arms. He needed to. He had been going absolutely crazy without her.

"Who the hell are you?" his mouth got the better of him. Honestly, he was certain that he had this under control. He'd been going to meetings every week for anger management. He had also been going to therapy with Kathy, and by himself to work out his "Olivia" issues, and in the past two years, his therapist and Kathy decided that his addiction to her was under control. He was finally sober.

Amanda stood up defensively. "I'm her partner, pal, and I think she asked you to leave," she told him, stepping between him and Olivia so now all he could see was Amanda.

Elliot clenched his jaw and gave her a snobby snort. "Yeah, but for some reason, I don't think she really wants me to leave. But you do… I see the way you look at her. But she doesn't look at you the same way, does she?" It was inside of him to interrogate, but he was doing it to the wrong person. He didn't seem to understand that Amanda was on Olivia's side, just like he was.

"What?" Amanda asked, flabbergasted. How did he know how she felt about Olivia? No one knew how she felt, or at least she didn't think anyone knew. She tried to cover it up - she had since she met Olivia. But not this jackass was going to come in and ruin everything? She didn't think so. "You don't know-"

"What are you even talking about?" Olivia jumped in with an unapologetic look on her face. She was disgusted by the way Elliot was talking to Amanda, who had done absolutely nothing to him. All she was trying to do was be a good partner. "You don't get to speak to her like that."

"No? She has the hots for you, Liv. I'm surprised you haven't noticed." Elliot almost scoffed again.

"Excuse me? You have no idea what you're talkin' about, so why don't you shut your damn mouth?" Amanda stuck up for herself. No one ever had stuck up for her before, but she knew how to take care of herself. Especially around men who acted like dicks toward her.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Elliot seemed to get in her face even more, and by the time Amanda realized how close he was to her, Olivia was pushing him back toward his vehicle.

"Shut up, Stabler. You don't know what you're talking about, and my life doesn't concern you anymore. Just get outta here." Olivia told him in a hushed tone. She shook her head and began to walk back to Amanda and her rental car when she heard a familiar sound.

"Maureen has a kid."

The brunette had to turn around. In spite of what he had said and done to her, and now said to Amanda, she still had feelings for him. Strong, deep, passionate feelings. And the sound of Elliot Stabler, bruised and lying on the floor made her insides hurt. "What?"

"She met a guy, moved down to Virginia, and now she has a daughter. My granddaughter. Liv- I didn't know how to get in contact with you… I didn't know what to say…" Elliot pleaded with her. He didn't care anymore. He had to let Olivia know why he left. Why he never contacted her. Why he was such an idiot. And why he was in Virginia, today of all days.

She lifted her chin toward the car garage ceiling, and took a breath. She still couldn't believe Elliot was right in front of her. "You couldn't have called me?" she asked bitterly. She had so much anger and frustration pent up inside of her from this man. They had been through so much, and all of a sudden, he disappeared from her life. It almost damn near killed her. "Jesus, El, you couldn't even pick up a phone and try to explain?"

"Olivia, I-"

"No. No, no, no. You don't get to explain now and pretend that we're gonna be fine, because we're not."

"C'mon, please let me explain!" Elliot begged her. He would have been down on his knees if not for Amanda's presence. He wanted Olivia alone, to himself, and he wanted it now. He had never been a patient person, especially when it came to her, but even he knew this wasn't the time or the place. "Please? I'll be in New York this weekend… can I just come by and we can talk? Please?"

Olivia looked back at Amanda. She wanted desperately to befriend her and have the blonde open up a little bit, especially since they had both been through so much in their lives. She then looked back at Elliot. Olivia wanted to scream at him and tell him no, but she felt so weak looking into his eyes. One stupid plea on his part and she was under his spell again. She softened. "Yeah, sure… What day were you thinking?"

"Saturday? I… I just wanna stop by for a few hours."

Olivia nodded before she heard a car door slam behind her and remembered she had already made plans with Amanda. She closed her eyes in defeat and finally said, "That's fine… I-uh, I really gotta get going, so I'll see you this weekend."

"Okay Liv. See you Saturday." Elliot said with a half smile. He went back into his vehicle and drove away while Olivia watched. She had so much to tell him, too much she had to say, but she would just have to wait until they were in New York over the weekend. She didn't want him to leave, she wanted him to come with her and track down this rapist like in the old days. But she knew he had a different life now, and whether she liked it or not, she did too.


	4. Tell Me What It Takes

Love reading your comments/reviews. Leave me some more if you like this chapter! I know it's short, but it'll get better soon.

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"You have to talk to me sometime, Rollins…"

Amanda stared out the window. She wondered why she was never good enough, if she would ever be good enough, and what she had to do to be good enough. She had always felt that she wasn't good enough - especially in front of her mother who practically paid her no attention whatsoever, and when Amanda complained that her mother didn't love her, Amanda was guilted into feeling like it was her own fault.

But it wasn't. Her mother wasn't emotionally there for her, or her sister, but Amanda had to admit, her mom had a hell of a lot more patience with Kim than she did with her. It was like Amanda was the guinea pig baby, just an experiment. Unfortunately, though, that's what she was treated like, and it made her more than a little angry. Kim was like the chosen child, she always had been. She got whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, and her mother didn't bat an eyelash. Amanda, though? No way. Amanda worked from the time she was able until now, for everything she had. She worked at a job and at a life that she could be semi proud of.

Amanda didn't have much in life, besides her job and her best friend (who was also her dog), but she had what was important to her. She gambled a lot of her problems away, or so she thought at the time, but there was a reason for her behavior. There was always a reason why Amanda Rollins did anything she did, much like Olivia Benson. The blonde had been in abusive relationships, but when she got out of them, she turned over to be the abuser - of the bottle, and of her finances. It was a vicious cycle, but with Olivia's help (and the rest of the squad, she had to admit) it broke. She was sober, she was done betting and gambling, and she was finally getting her life together.

Now was it all going to fall apart again? Over Olivia's betrayal? No. Not this time. Amanda decided that she wasn't going to let Olivia define her life, but that didn't mean her feelings weren't hurt. It didn't mean her heart wasn't bruised. It didn't mean she didn't want to let it all collapse on top of her. The point was, it wasn't going to. She wouldn't let it. Olivia honestly did nothing wrong, because she was trying to follow her heart as well, and Amanda knew that. She knew how deep her feelings for Elliot were, even if neither of them never spoke of it. And even though that Elliot Stabler seemed like an asshole, she was sure he had some good qualities. Why else would Olivia feel so much for him?

Amanda decided she would have to meet him again to really see what he was like. She knew he was probably just jealous of Amanda's partnership with Olivia, but did that give him the right to call her out on her feelings in front of the person she had feelings for? No. But it also didn't give Amanda the right to judge him solely based on his first impression.

Maybe he was still in love with Olivia, Amanda thought to herself. Maybe he loved her this entire time, and his wife (Fin told Amanda all about her) was trying to keep them apart. Maybe Elliot hadn't been completely at fault like Fin implied. And maybe he was lying… Since Amanda really didn't get a great first impression from him, she honestly didn't know what to think.

She did know, though, that she was spending the 4th of July alone, sober, with her dog. She knew Frannie wasn't afraid of the fireworks, but she wanted to be home with her dog anyway. Even before Olivia made impromptu plans with her, she decided she was going to be with her pup. It was one of her favorite things to just spend alone time with Frannie.

She wasn't going to turn back to the bottle, or to betting. Not again.

"I don't know what you want me to say, sergeant," Amanda finally said, breaking the silence between them. It had not been uncomfortable to sit there, not saying anything, but Amanda knew that it wasn't quite the greatest feeling, sitting there, mad at her boss.

"What can I do to get you to understand that I'm sorry? How can I make it up to you?" Olivia asked gently. She looked over at her a few times, wanting to keep her eyes on the road as well. She knew she had upset Amanda, and that wasn't her intention, but she just couldn't resist the temptation of Elliot Stabler.

Amanda shook her head. "You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I overreacted. I just— I thought maybe someone wanted to spend time with me outside of work, and I was excited that it was you, that's all," the blonde explained, trying to be as honest as she could without going into detail about her feelings for the brunette.

Olivia nodded, understanding where she was coming from. "Actually, I do have to be sorry. I shouldn't have blown you off like that… I apologize. But Amanda, don't you usually hang out with Amaro outside of work?"

That hit Amanda the wrong way. How did she know about Nick? Amanda closed her eyes momentarily, trying to gather her thoughts, and then said, "No, you're right, I do see Amaro after hours, but I was thinkin' maybe I'd like to hang out with you, too."

"Rollins, I didn't mean— " Olivia began to say before she was cut off.

"Don't worry about it. I get it. Elliot… he means a lot to you. I've known that since I met you. You should see him, and… and maybe you should tell him how you feel."

Now it was Olivia who didn't quite know what to say. She thought Elliot was pretty clear on how she felt, but since she had never really said the words out loud, how could he be sure? She took Amanda's words in and nodded at her. "I guess maybe I should."


	5. Silent Thoughts

Blah... this chapter is a filler for what I have coming next. Let me know what your predictions are for what goes down on the 4th of July weekend!

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Amanda and Olivia spent the rest of the day interviewing the victim from Virginia, driving to DC and interviewing that victime, and then driving to Delaware, and interviewing that victim, before finally reaching Jersey pretty late that night.

"You wanna just call it a night? Drive back to Jersey and talk with the victim in the morning?" Amanda suggested. She was beyond tired; the nap on the plane didn't really help with her fatigue, and she just wanted to cuddle with Frannie at home.

"Yeah… I should probably get home to Noah and let Lucy go. Maybe I'll just have the guys interview her tomorrow and catch up on some paperwork. Sound alright?" Olivia replied just before a yawn.

Amanda nodded. "Sounds better than gettin' back into a car with a burnt out A/C tomorrow." The duo had lost air conditioning on their way back up the east coast, but Amanda never said one word about it until now. She'd been without A/C all of her life, and she really enjoyed having it when she was in a squad car, but this heat wave made her want to have it permanently.

Olivia laughed. "Agreed. I'll drop you off first, alright? Return the car tomorrow…" she supposed. She didn't want to get home any later than she had to.

"Thanks Liv."

Olivia nodded. "Hey, I was thinkin', maybe we could hang out after work sometime next week."

"Liv, I—" Amanda started to say, before Olivia interrupted her.

"Wait, just hear me out…. I didn't mean to make plans after I had already made them with you. Honestly, it had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with my feelings for Elliot. But I've really liked hanging out with you today, and I would like to do it again. I have a few meetings with the mayor and Barba and I can't remember who else after work this week, and the weekend… I messed up on the weekend. But I'd still like you to come by and see Noah and me. Please? I don't have a lot of girlfriends, and I think it'd be fun to have a drink or somethin'. After Noah's asleep, of course."

Amanda had to smile at the last part of her sentence. And Olivia, and her, girlfriends? Oh what that did to her stomach! She knew Olivia didn't mean it like that, but damn, did it sound good to her. "What the hell, I don't have anything going on, ever, so it'd be fun. Just let me find someone to watch Frannie."

"Bring her over… she's good with kids, right?"

"Amazing."

Olivia shrugged. "I don't think it'd be a problem if you brought her."

"Cool. Well, then I'll be over sometime next week. I'll even bring dinner," Amanda offered gently.

"What do you wanna have?"

"Maybe sushi? Is that okay? If not, you can totally choose something different," Amanda began to say, before she saw Olivia smile and shake her head.

"It sounds great, Amanda."

The blonde smiled to herself, and then there was silence between them. A comfortable silence, though. It was nice. Something Amanda couldn't have said about silence with anyone else. With Nick, she always felt the need to strike up a conversation. With her sister, she always thought Kim was mad if she wasn't talking. But with Olivia, it felt so natural, despite everything they had been through.

She didn't know if Olivia was still mad about the gambling issue, but at least now she understood it. Enough time had passed by now to allow wounds to heal and egos to become un-bruised, but she wondered if Olivia ever regretted not sending her back to Atlanta.

"Hey, uh… I've been meaning to ask you all day… what was up with what Elliot was sayin'? Is he always like that or just how he makes a first impression?" Amanda finally said after sitting there for a while. She didn't really want to bring it up, but she knew she had to. She had to know if Elliot was… honestly, if he was good enough for Olivia.

Olivia took a breath. "Honestly? I have no idea. He's always been the 'bad cop' type, but I've never seen him act like that before. I, uh, I'm really sorry about what he said to you…" she pursed her lips. She knew what Amanda was going to say next.

"You don't have to apologize for him… I just… I just wanted to know if it was him or me; I thought maybe I did something wrong," Amanda admitted softly.

Well, Olivia didn't see her confession coming, but she completely understood. Amanda always felt guilt, and Olivia knew that… what Olivia hadn't known until recently, though, was why. But Amanda had been through some tough shit. And truthfully, it was most of her life that was tough; not just the parts Amanda had been forced to show. "Listen, Amanda… it's not you. You didn't do anything wrong. Elliot… Elliot got the wrong idea, and I should've set him straight. He just… he's not always rational. He doesn't always listen to reason."

Amanda nodded. He wasn't completely wrong, though, she wanted to say. But she didn't. She thought it best not to get into something she wouldn't be able to get out of. Something that might cost Amanda her job. Especially if Olivia was bothered by the fact that Amanda liked her, which Amanda highly doubted, but still. She had a million thoughts running through her mind, and those were just a few of them. "It's alright," Amanda finally said with a half smile.

And for the rest of the ride, they were silent. Amanda was dropped off, and after they exchanged goodbyes, Olivia went home to Noah. Amanda laid awake most of the night, thinking about what Elliot said, and how Olivia was too good for him, and Olivia cuddled up with her son, wondering if agreeing to see Elliot would turn out to be one of her better decisions. She hoped that her life with Noah wouldn't change the way she knew Elliot felt about her. She had always wanted to be part of a family, and now that she had Noah, she wondered if her family would ever grow. She also wondered if a certain companion would help her family do just that when he showed up in a few days.


	6. You Shouldn't Have

The rest of the week went by agonizingly slow for Olivia. She spent her days at the office, watching Fin and Amaro take off for most of the day, while she saw Amanda doing paperwork. Occasionally, the guys would ask her to ride with them, or help them interrogate, but for the most part, Rollins was at her desk while Olivia was in her office.

Amanda, however, felt the week slip through her hands. Sure, she was bored as hell doing paperwork everyday, but the weekend came too fast for her liking. She hated to say it, but she secretly hoped a case would pop up over the weekend so she could see her boss. Maybe, if she got lucky, it would happen on Saturday night so that Elliot couldn't see her.

But she knew that wasn't going to happen. If Elliot wanted to see Olivia, and Olivia wanted to be with Elliot, then that's what was going to happen. There was nothing that she nor the universe could do to stop it from happening.

Friday afternoon finally came around, and Fin and Nick had already left. Of course, Nick tried to get Amanda to come over that evening, and she almost went with it… but she remembered she was finally on the right track. She was just feeling so low that maybe a little "socialization" from Nick would do her some good. She told him no, though, in the last second, but she said she'd text him the next day if she wasn't busy.

"Hey, what're you still doin' here?" Olivia said, walking out of her office with her purse on her arm. It was still very hot in New York, and the squad all wondered when the temperature would break.

"Gotta finish up this paperwork, then I'm headed out," Amanda said, slightly sadly. She had no plans for the weekend, and the constant reminder that Elliot was coming reared it's evil head at the most inopportune times. Like now, for instance.

"Rollins, the paperwork will still be here on Monday morning. C'mon… I'll walk you out," Olivia insisted, looking down at the younger detective, who had her head in a hand, the other hand fast at work on some paper.

Taking a breath, Amanda put her pen down and stood up. She grabbed her bag, and followed Olivia to the elevator. She wondered if she should bring up the dreaded subject of detective Stabler, or if she should keep her mouth shut. She decided the latter would be better, but all of a sudden, her mouth betrayed her.

"So, uh… you excited to see Elliot tomorrow?" Amanda asked, as the elevator doors shut. It was just the two of them, and Amanda was mentally kicking herself for what she had just said.

Olivia smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah… I think this is gonna be really good for us. Get things back on track… maybe talk him into coming back to SVU."

Amanda's stomach churned. She felt sick at the thought of having to be around him everyday. It wasn't even that she disliked him, really, or that he had feelings for Olivia. It wasn't. It was that he knew about her feelings for Olivia, and called her out on them when she wasn't ready to even admit them to herself. "Oh… that, uh— that's good. I'm sure you'd both be really happy with him back at work."

"Yeah… I figure, Nick needs a new partner ever since Carisi left… and you could work with Fin full time again," Olivia explained, wondering if Amanda was really happy about what she said, or if she was just nodding in agreement, hoping she would just shut up about Elliot already. She wondered, ever since Elliot had brought it up, if Amanda really did have feelings for her. She didn't think that Amanda did at first, but looking back on everything, her behavior coincided with the idea that Amanda did indeed have feelings for the brunette.

"That'd be nice," Amanda said with a small smile. Finally, the elevator button dinged, and Amanda watched as the doors opened slowly. "Have a good weekend, Olivia. See ya Monday," she said quickly, practically running out of the precinct. She had to get out of there. Her negative thoughts were consuming her now, and she wasn't prepared for what might come next.

Meanwhile, Olivia went to say goodbye, but realized that Amanda was already out of earshot. She decided that it was for the best that she avoid the blonde for a few days, while she tried to get things situated with Elliot.

She drove home, and relieved Lucy of her duties, picking up her son and snuggling him. It was almost his first birthday now, and she was excited that she would get to throw a party for him. She thought that by this time next week, she'd have Elliot back in her life, and maybe he'd help plan the party for the little guy.

Back at Amanda's house, she almost gave into calling Nick, but instead, went to the park with her dog. She knew this feeling wouldn't last, and if she let it take over, then it would consume her. She would not let that happen again.

By the time Saturday rolled around, Amanda had gotten fed up with herself, and finally fell asleep at about four that morning. Meanwhile, Olivia was getting up with Noah at that time, because he had a tooth coming in.

Both women were worried about the outcome of the day - when Elliot showed up, it would rock both of their worlds. Olivia smiled about it, but Amanda found herself unable to stop crying most of the night, knowing she'd never have a chance with Olivia, the woman whom she found herself to be absolutely enamored with. And with Elliot in the picture, she'd never even be able to come clean about her feelings for the woman.

"C'mon, baby, let's get you something for those mean ol' teethies!" Olivia told her son, wondering how she ever got so lucky. Shortly after Carisi left the unit, she got notice that she was able to adopt Noah. The paperwork had gone in almost immediately, and she had heard back a few weeks ago that everything went through. Noah was officially her son.

"Mama!" he cried to Olivia, his hand in his mouth trying to alleviate the pain that came from his tooth.

"I know, sweetheart, I know," she said gently, pulling out a teething ring from the freezer. She wrapped it in a washcloth so that Noah could hold onto it while he chewed on bare end. She watched him go at it, and smiled when he finally did. Olivia took a breath. She had so much to do, and now, on top of preparing for Elliot's arrival tonight, she knew she'd be busy with Noah most of the day. That didn't bother her in the least, but the question now was, would she be able to get anything done with Noah teething?

Olivia hoped so.

While this was happening, Amanda rolled over and looked at the person next to her. "Hey, I've gotta get ready to head out… I'm goin' down to Jersey this weekend."

"Oh, to gamble?"

"No, Nick, I told you… I'm followin' a lead on Kim. C'mon, I need to get ready, and you need to leave," she explained to him. She was lying, but she wasn't going to gamble. Not today. She was really going to take Frannie for a walk and clear her head. She knew she had made a mistake, sleeping with Nick, and she had to get out of her apartment.

"Fine," Nick said, as he got his shirt thrown at him. He put it on, and got up to get the rest of his clothes. "When do I get to see you again?"

Amanda, holding a blanket around herself, suddenly self-conscious that Nick was there, and she was naked, stammered, "I, uh… I don't know. Maybe seein' each other outside of work isn't such a good idea anymore."

"You said that last time, and look where we wound up last night," Nick persuaded, getting up to steal a kiss. She turned at the last second, and he kissed her cheek. "You can't deny our connection."

Amanda took a breath before she headed for the bathroom. "I'll, uh… I'll call you later, Nick."

Nick was left there, wondering what he did wrong, and Amanda was left regretting her late night call to detective Amaro, and scrubbing herself clean in the shower.

When nighttime finally rolled around, Olivia found herself putting Noah down, and preparing for Elliot's arrival. One glass of wine turned into two, and she was feeling pretty good. The fireworks were going to start in about an hour, and she was excited to have her own fireworks with Elliot, if she could swing it.

Well, the hour began to pass, and Olivia began to get anxious. What would it be like, seeing him again? She lost it when she saw him last time, and now with alcohol in her system, she wondered if she would turn into a mess, or a vixen.

She looked at the clock. It was nearly nine thirty. The fireworks near her started at ten, and she wondered where Elliot was.

Olivia thought about Elliot not showing up. How would she deal with that? He told her he'd be there, but he'd gone back on his word before. They were supposed to be partners for life, they were supposed to work though everything that was wrong with their relationship, and eventually, they were supposed to be together. Olivia just knew it. She always had. From the first day she saw him. He ignited something in her that no one else ever had, and never would again.

Olivia's second glass of wine was finally gone, and she got up to get herself another. She was wearing her favorite little black dress, and she felt like a princess before it dawned on her that Elliot might not show up. Now, she just felt like a waste of space.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. It was kind of rushed, so maybe Elliot had been in a hurry and got stuck in traffic. Although, she had been sitting by the window, and there really wasn't any traffic near her building.

Nevertheless, Olivia smoothed out the skirt part of her dress and went to answer the door. She opened it up with a smile, and that smile quickly faded into a confused look.

"I know you are probably with Elliot, and I know you don't need this right now, but I've been waiting three years to do this…" and suddenly, Olivia was locked in a kiss. With Amanda Rollins.


	7. Sparks Fly

You guys, this was the hardest chapter to write. I wanted to make it perfect, but honestly, it was taking so long... I just wanted to post it! So sorry. I hope you all like it (:

Thank you for your continued support of this crazy story.

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Olivia was thinking that it was Elliot at the door, but Amanda surprised her instead. She said something… something Olivia couldn't remember now. All she knew was that there were warm, soft lips on hers, and she was not doing anything to move away from those lips. She actually found herself lost in the touch of detective Rollins…

Wait.

Rollins?

Olivia pulled back as soon as she realized what was going on and gave Amanda a look of confusion. She was truly and honestly so confused. She didn't know why Amanda was there in the first place, she didn't know why Elliot hadn't been at the door instead, and she didn't know why the hell she didn't pull away when Amanda kissed her.

"Sorry… I don't… What are you doing here?" Olivia managed to spit out, breathlessly. She was no longer confused, she just felt like she got the wind knocked out of her, and wondered what in the world Amanda was doing, showing up at her house the same night Elliot was supposed to be there.

"I— I have no idea," Amanda said a little sadly, looking down at her feet which were suddenly fascinating to the blonde. Moments passed between them as Olivia took a deep breath. She looked at Amanda who finally looked up from staring downward. "I… I'm sorry. I'm sure you're busy with Elliot, and I should really get back to Frannie… I'm sorry, Liv. I really am. I shouldn't have come by tonight," Amanda rambled on, "I don't know what I was thinkin'."

"Elliot never showed." Olivia admitted, almost cutting her off.

Amanda cocked her head slightly. Now it was her turn to be confused. Why wouldn't Elliot show? What was wrong with that bastard, thinking he could get away with leaving her once, not saying a word to her before he left. Now, he promises to show up and talk things over with her, and he's a no show? No… Amanda would not let him get away with that again. "What?" she asked, saying even a little something.

"I don't really want to talk about it, but before I drop the subject entirely— just tell me, was Elliot right?" Olivia questioned, looking at her carefully, searching her eyes for an answer that she didn't know if she was ready for.

Amanda took a breath after she gulped. "Right about what?"

"You havin' feelings for me."

The blonde detective let out a laugh. "Well, I came over here thinkin' I was gonna barge in on you and Elliot, and I kissed you… I mean, really, what do you think?" she asked sarcastically, shaking her head to herself, wondering if Olivia was serious with her question. She didn't just come over and use all of her courage she had in her as a joke. It wasn't funny. She wanted to scream just how she felt to Olivia, but she knew damn well the brunette was too focused on someone else to hear her.

"I… uh, had no idea." Olivia shook her head, taking a seat on the couch now. She looked at Amanda gently, and then looked at her lap. She wondered why she had never noticed before. She remembered Amanda saying that she had been waiting four years to kiss her… Olivia's eyes were wide at the thought. Amanda had feelings for her for that long? It broke her heart. "Amanda—"

"Ya know, Liv, I just thought maybe, maybe one day you'd look at me the way I look at you everyday, but you didn't. So, I tried to date other people, all guys… because I know I could never date a chick who made me feel the way you do. But here we are, and you don't feel the same way," Amanda shook her head.

"Amanda—"

"I don't wanna feel this way! Do you think I asked for this? Before I met you, I thought I was strictly into guys… I thought, I'm gonna settle down one day with a man, and he's gonna be the best damn human being on this planet. And then I met you… and suddenly I'm findin' myself looking at women… wondering what the hell I ever thought a man could do for me! And now I finally… I finally tell you how I feel, and I'm still expectin' you to feel the same way about me… I mean, really? Am I that stupid?"

"Amanda!"

"What?!"

"Just because I didn't know you had feelings for me doesn't mean I don't care."

Amanda looked at the brunette and watched as Olivia got up out of her seat on the couch and stood in front of Amanda with a half hearted smile. "I care, Amanda… I care about you, and I care about how you feel," Olivia's eyes squinted for a moment, trying to make sure she was making sense.

The blonde nodded slightly, scared of what might happen next. Was Olivia going to fire her? Was she going to tell her that although she cared, Amanda couldn't possibly work for her anymore because it was a conflict of interest? Maybe she'd just separate her from her own self and always pair her with Fin or Nick… not that she would mind Fin, but it would probably be a lot of inner frustration trying to keep his brain on the job instead of in her pants.

Maybe Olivia was just going to let her down easy. Tell her that it was sweet, but she was straight, and in love with Elliot Stabler. Amanda waited for a moment, and all of a sudden Olivia leaned in and kissed her softly.

Honestly, it was unlike any kiss Amanda had had before. Even her kiss with Olivia just minutes before was rushed and hard. Olivia's kiss was gentle, but passionate. Amanda realized that whatever she was expecting Olivia to do, it sure as hell wasn't this.

Olivia finally broke the kiss with a blush and a smile, unable to hide it from the woman before her. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear, and asked, "Was that okay?"

Amanda's head rush was unstoppable. She was dizzy now, and couldn't quite see her boss clearly, but she nodded all the same. "Perfect," she finally let go of the breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"Not rusty?" the sergeant asked with a chuckle. She swung around Amanda to the island and got another glass of wine prepared for herself. She knew she really should not indulge in another glass herself, but she was feeling so good, she just couldn't help herself.

Amanda gave her a smile, already knowing she had had enough to drink for the night. She didn't want to say what she was going to say next, but she knew that she had to. It was for Olivia's own good, and quite frankly, she would feel really shitty if she didn't say something before Olivia took another sip of alcohol. "You… gonna be sober enough to drive if somethin' happens to Noah?"

That caught Olivia off guard. Anything having to do with consuming too much alcohol threw Olivia for a loop, though. "I'll call a taxi," she said, a little defensively, setting the glass down. She was having fun with Amanda… until now.

"Yeah, Liv, I wouldn't trust someone in a cab tryin' to get my kid to the hospital… C'mon, let's make a plan. If you have another glass, I'll stay the night, sleep on the couch, and if anything happens, which I'm not sayin' it will or that I want it to, I'll drive. How's that?" Amanda found herself trying to coax Olivia into having a nice time, while still being safe for Noah. With all that happened with him over the past few months, Amanda knew it was better to be safe than sorry.

Olivia's attitude changed a little bit when Amanda suggested that, and she nodded. "That'd be great. Thank you, Amanda."

The blonde smiled a little, and then looked up at the brunette. "It's no problem, really, Liv."

Olivia sipped on her wine for a moment, and then set her glass down. "Hey… I have an idea," the older woman said with a grin. She had plans for her and Amanda, and maybe this night wasn't going to be so bad after all.

Amanda gave her a curious look and then looked at her, almost frightened by what the sergeant was going to say next. "Okay… hit me with it."

Olivia had her glass in one hand, and grabbed Amanda's hand with the other. "C'mere…" she said, dragging Amanda into another room. She opened the door and warm air hit Amanda quickly. The air conditioner had been on in the rest of the apartment, but in this room, specifically, the door had been closed, and nothing was cooling it off.

"Is this your room? It's nice…" Amanda complimented the soft blue room which had a huge bed that took up most of the area.

Olivia immediately started to fan herself, dropping Amanda's hand quickly. "Maybe this was a terrible idea." she told her, immediately regretting her decision to leave her bedroom door shut. If it were cooler, it would be easier to do what she wanted to do…

"No, no… it's fine. What did you wanna show me?"

Olivia felt the heat rise to her cheeks as they turned red. She was so nervous, and just a little tipsy. Ever since she'd been a mother to Noah, she hadn't been drinking much, so now, she only needed a few glasses to really feel the alcohol in her system. She got onto her bed and patted beside her, inviting Amanda to sit down.

"You're makin' me nervous…" Amanda told her with a smile that she couldn't hide. She wondered if Olivia wanted to show her something in the room, or maybe it was a picture of Noah on her phone… she was unsure.

"Look," Olivia said, moments later. She pointed out the window. There was no television in her room, just a big window, overlooking some water. It was a beautiful view, really, and Amanda would have said so, but before she could, she was staring at the fireworks that were being set off.

All different colors and patterns, the fireworks were absolutely lovely. The women watched until finally the wine, emotions, and gorgeous sight took over, and Olivia was kissing Amanda again.

"Mmm…." Olivia moaned into Amanda's mouth as she kissed her deeply. Amanda's hands were on the small of Olivia's back, and that drove her wild. She didn't know if she had ever noticed it before, or if it was just Amanda who found it after all this time, but she it was crazy how good her hands felt on that particular spot.

Amanda smiled, pulling back to bite her lip. "You okay?"

"Yeah…" Olivia said gently, wrapping her hands around the other woman's neck, pulling her close to her again. "Please keep going."

The blonde did as Olivia asked, and began to kiss a trail down her neck, finding another spot that caused Olivia to squirm. She giggled loudly, and then immediately covered her mouth, not wanting to wake Noah who was in the next room. She had forgotten that the fireworks were happening, and that was more likely to wake him up than his mother's laughter.

Amanda's mouth found it's way to the top of the valley on Olivia's chest, while her hands slid around to unzip Olivia's dress. She didn't realize, though, that the dress also had a hook on the top that needed to be undone, and Olivia had forgotten all about it. Amanda went to remove the dress once the zipper was down, and realized she couldn't.

"It's stuck," she said quickly, panicking a little.

"What?" Olivia pulled on the dress that seemed to still be tight on her own body. "What the hell?" she cursed under her breath, yanking on the fabric now. She was eager to get the stupid thing off so that Amanda could ravish her.

Just before Olivia ripped the dress off of herself, Amanda realized she missed the hook and quickly unsnapped it as Olivia pulled again and took the entire thing off in a flash. The women looked at each other, wide eyed, and then began to laugh.

"Oh my God! I forgot there was a hook back there!" Olivia said, covering herself. She hadn't worn a real bra as the dress had one that worked perfectly to accentuate her breasts, while still supporting them, which made Olivia very happy. Plus, she thought her ass looked great, so that was the story of how she found her favorite dress. Now, it had almost been ruined, due to a little mishap the ladies had had.

Amanda, who had been laughing with her, stopped laughing suddenly, at the sight of Olivia bare chest. She gently removed Olivia's hands, and traced her way down her voluptuous chest, before raising her head to look at the brunette. "You're… so beautiful."

Olivia pursed her lips. "I'm not…"

Amanda took Olivia's hands in her own. "You are, sweetheart. You are."

Olivia shook her head as tears welled up in her eyes. She hated crying in front of anyone, and she wouldn't allow herself to do so. She blinked a few times, and then instead of hearing the usual plead for sex that she usual got from a man, Amanda asked gently, "Do you need a moment?"

Now a smile broke through. She said, "No, it's okay," in a whisper, and Amanda began to kiss her again. She kissed down her chest, stopping to go agonizingly slow, where Olivia was concerned, at her breasts.

"Please?"

It was a simple plead, but it meant so much to Amanda. She hurried along the way down Olivia's body, and finally, she landed at her sweet core.

They didn't notice the fireworks dying out, because now, they were making fireworks of their own.


	8. The Aftermath

I just need to address this, because I'm absolutely bonkers, so here it goes: to the anon who didn't love the last chapter, I completely agree with what you were saying. It was so rushed &amp; not what I had originally planned, but I think it'll make sense as the story goes on. At least I hope so. I had already written this chapter before I finished the last one, and I'm not in love with this chapter either, but hey... sometimes it doesn't always go as planned, right? I am so incredibly moved by anyone &amp; everyone who takes the time to leave a comment for me to read about my story. I just want to make it something you all like, so I hope by the end of the story, which will be coming up, you will all feel a sense of relief, either that it's over, or that it fulfilled your expectations (:

Thanks again, everyone.

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The next day, the heat wave broke. Temperatures across New York were down significantly, but in Olivia's apartment, Noah was up. She could hear him on the baby monitor, so she got up. Her head ached a little, and she couldn't find her robe that usually hung on the door handle. She couldn't look for it now, and she couldn't just greet Noah with no clothes on, so she grabbed an NYPD t-shirt and some panties from her dresser drawer. By the time she was dressed and in Noah's bedroom though, she found Amanda Rollins soothing her little boy.

"Hey," the blonde whispered gently. Mystery solved - she was wearing Olivia's robe that the brunette couldn't find just moments ago. Olivia had sort of… forgotten the night before. She hadn't been drunk, but she was drinking, and until she saw Amanda standing in her apartment, she honestly didn't remember the passionate night she shared with her detective.

"Hey," she said gently, as the flashbacks began to hit her. She couldn't help but smile before she continued, "Thank you for getting up with him; you didn't have to."

"I know… I wanted to see him," she smiled warmly, before she saw the smile on Olivia's face start to fade. "You alright?"

More flashbacks had hit Olivia, especially the ones where Elliot never showed up. He didn't have her number, but she felt the urge to check her phone anyway. She had to resist the thought, though, at least for now, because Amanda was still here.

"Yeah," she answered Amanda, letting her know she was alright, and completely avoiding the subject of Elliot all together. After what they shared the night before, it just didn't seem right to bring him up right now.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Olivia shook her head. She took Noah into her own arms and gave him a kiss. Afterward, she turned around and gave Amanda a kiss as well. It took both women by surprise, but it was a very pleasant surprise.

"What was that for?" Amanda asked, after Olivia released her gently. She enjoyed Olivia's lips on her own, and the fact that Olivia even kissed her at all meant the world to her.

Olivia shrugged with pursed lips and wide eyes. It was a very animated response, and it caused Amanda to smile at her. "Felt like we both needed it," the brunette admitted, not sure what she really meant by that, but knowing that it was true, regardless.

"You know, I could get used to this…" Amanda trailed off. She was now left wondering if she had said the wrong thing. It was very hard to read Olivia sometimes, but when she finally smiled back at Amanda, she knew that it was alright.

"Wha'da'ya say I treat you to breakfast?"

"Amanda…" Olivia began to say, before the blonde interrupted.

"I'll even take you somewhere you can feed Noah," Amanda offered, before she added with a smirk, "And you're gonna love the names of the different kinds of meals they have there."

The ladies went out to breakfast at Julie's, a little hole in the wall place that Amanda swore by. They walked in and seated themselves before Olivia looked around. She noticed the worn down walls and tables, as well as the art work that customers had left on the walls. She eyed Amanda.

"Really?" she asked, looking over the menu. The combination of the environment and what she had read on the menu was enough to question the blonde.

"What?" Amanda asked with a smirk, knowng exactly what Olivia was thinking. Because when she first came here, she thought the same thing. It was a shitty place, but boy did she cure that hangover when she ate there for the first time.

"These are named after songs?" she asked, before pointing one out. She wondered aloud with a laugh, "How did you find this place?" She thought it was interesting that Amanda would take her here, of all places in the city. Of course, there had to be a reason, but she hadn't quite figured that reason out yet.

"They're names of drinks, too," Amanda just grinned. She had to point out the "paralyzer" to Olivia which Amanda got almost every time, that was simply over-easy eggs with a hint of something sweet in the yolk. Amanda wasn't sure if it was just the flavor of the a seasoning, or if it was something added into the eggs, but she always ordered it just the same.

"Oh… oh!" Olivia giggled, before she looked up at Amanda and a little too seriously asked, "How do you feel about sex on the beach?"

Amanda's jaw opened and a smile could be seen as she tried to come up with an answer, but before she could, there was a waitress standing over them, looking down with a warm smile.

"Mornin' ladies! I heard somethin' about sex on the beach? Runny eggs with a side of sausage!" she told them lightly, sensing some odd sense of comfort between the two of them, but not so much between herself and the brunette. She looked back at the blonde, waiting for an answer from either, and realized she knew her. "Hey Mandy! How ya doin', hun?"

"Hey Nancy," Amanda smiled at the nickname. She hated when people called her that, she thought it was much too girly, but she appreciated the sentiment.

"Brought some friends today, I see!" the waitress was bubbly, and a little older than Olivia. She seemed nice enough, but Olivia was still blushing over the comment she had made just a moment ago. She wondered how Amanda knew her, if she was just an acquaintance through this place, or if there was something else going on. Not that it should matter… but it did.

"You've got the best breakfast in the city," the blonde carried on, nudging Olivia's knee underneath the table. She didn't mean to, but then she did it again, to let Olivia know she was thinking of her. It was a sweet gesture; one that Olivia really appreciated. It put her thoughts to rest that something may have happened between the two of them.

Nancy smiled. "And who're these cuties?"

"Well, this is Olivia," Amanda introduced with a smile, and continued, "and this little guy is Noah," she looked at them lovingly.

"Hi," Olivia said with a flushed smile, still kind of embarrassed about what happened with the 'sex on the beach' comment. She had meant it for Amanda, obviously, and she had tried to be a little flirty with her, but she supposed she should let it go.

Nancy nodded and asked, "How old is he, Mom?"

Olivia gave a soft smile and said, "Uh… eleven months now."

"Almost a birthday boy!" she exclaimed, giving Noah a smile. He smiled back and flirtatiously giggled at the woman, much like he had been doing with Amanda this morning before they left the apartment. It was sweet, really, and Amanda couldn't be happier that Noah liked it. It wasn't rare for kids to like her, but it was important that Olivia knew how she was good with kids. It made them… this… a better match.

"Almost," Olivia smiled, before she and Amanda ordered breakfast.

The waitress left, and Amanda licked her lips slightly at the smell of the food nearby. "I'm starving. I hope you like the food."

Olivia nodded, "It smells delicious."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, Mandy, I'm okay," Olivia smiled, before letting out a little laugh.

Amanda looked up at Olivia, but before she could say anything to her, she heard her phone begin to ring. She looked down after retrieving the phone from her pocket and clicked 'end' a little too quickly.

"You wanna take that?" Olivia asked with a curious glance.

"No," she shook her head, still receiving a look from Olivia. She knew she was a little suspicious, and she also knew she was going to have to say something if she wanted Liv to let up. "It was Nick… I just don't know that I want to talk to him right now."

"Somethin' happen? You two get in a fight?"

Amanda raised a brow, not wanting to tell her what happened between them. She implied what she needed to say pretty well, though. "Not exactly."

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So what? You jumped outta Amaro's bed and into mine?"

"Liv, it wasn't like that—" Amanda tried to say quietly.

"Then what was it like?" Olivia asked, raising her voice so that everyone who was in the place could hear her. She was outraged, and she didn't care if she caused a scene. She couldn't believe that Amanda slept with Nick. She felt betrayed, and whether she knew it or not, she was radiating jealousy. She didn't know what in the world came over her… she wanted to be with Elliot, so why was she getting so upset about Amanda?

"Can we not do this here? In front of Noah? Please?" Amanda asked her, hoping that she could calm Olivia down a little bit.

The brunette scoffed, and got out Noah's baby food. She undid a lid, before putting a bib on the little guy sitting in a high chair beside her. She fed him, ignoring Amanda, and by the time Noah was full, the food arrived, and the women ate in silence.

Disappointed that it was a less than ideal outing, Amanda paid quickly and got up from her seat. She wanted things to be okay with Olivia, but she didn't know how to make it right. "I, uh, I guess I'll see ya at work tomorrow?"

Olivia looked at her sternly. "I thought we were gonna talk about this?" she asked, getting up from her seat. She got Noah ready in his stroller, as they had walked to the place that was about twelve blocks from Olivia's new apartment. "Unless you don't wanna talk to me?"

"I just thought you were mad…"

"I'm upset, but I wanna talk, Amanda. I don't wanna leave this unresolved," Olivia told her. "Do you?"

"N—no. I just… I don't know, Liv. I've never done this before," Amanda admitted, looking down at the floor. Amanda never had anyone like that in her life before, and it kind of shocked her that someone was willing to even put up with her shit.

Olivia took a breath. "C'mon… let's go back to my place and we'll talk."

The women began to walk back to Liv's place and chatted along the way. Apparently, Amanda couldn't wait until they got inside to have this conversation.

"It's hard to explain what happened last night… but, I've always known it was gonna happen," Amanda told her, looking down at her feet. She counted the steps that she took until Olivia's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

Amanda cleared her throat. "I've pretty much been in love with you since before we met… I, uh… I saw a picture of you in the newspaper when I was in Atlanta, and even though I had never been with a woman before, there was just somethin' about you. I didn't know you, but I wanted to…"

It all felt a little stalker-like to Olivia all of a sudden. She continued with a bit of apprehension. "So, when you moved to the city…"

"I knew who you were." Amanda confirmed.

Olivia looked taken aback. She stopped walking, the stroller stopped moving, and then the brunette asked, "Did you try to get a job here, because of me?"

"No… it was a coincidence that I applied at the same precinct you worked in, but I knew I had to get outta Atlanta, and that's why I even thought to put my name in for other jobs," she admitted sadly. She hated that her first job out of the academy was trained with bad memories, but she was glad Olivia knew now what had gone on down there.

With a sad smile, Olivia put her hand on Amanda's shoulder and said, "I'm sorry."

"I know," the blonde nodded. "Anyway, when I met you, I knew you were involved with someone else, even if it was just emotionally. That, and I was dealing with my own shit, so I gambled and drank to cope. Then, I started sleepin' with Nick, and two nights ago, I was thinkin' my life was over, and I screwed up… and slept with him again. But then I got really confident and showed up at your place… you know what happened from there," Amanda shrugged.

Olivia had felt a lot better. She knew Amanda wasn't stalking her, and she really had known it all along, she just got nervous, but then she knew she had to say something. She couldn't just let this go on. "Amanda, I just want you to know, I'm still holdin' out that Elliot's gonna get ahold of me, or that he's already tried."

Amanda already knew that. She didn't want to believe it, but she already knew. "Okay, Liv…I, uh, I need to get back to Frannie… so, can we talk later?"

"Amanda, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings—"

She nodded raising her eyebrows at Olivia, before she took off running in the opposite direction. Olivia took a deep breath and then continued walking home with her son.


	9. You Are In Love

So so so sorry this has taken so long. I haven't had a ton of time to work on this, but I've been doing my best to update this chapter when possible. I hope you like it.

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The next day, Amanda was already at her desk when Olivia arrived. Nick and Fin were in the bullpen as well, but Amanda was the only one plucking away at her paperwork.

"Hey guys," Olivia said with a forced smile. The boys looked up at her, and Amanda ignored her. Pursing her lips together, she made her way into her office and closed the door. She noticed that she had several missed calls and messages on her voicemail when she sat down. She began to listen to them.

Her eyes grew wide at one, a few minutes into playing catch-up, and she heard a familiar voice saying, "Liv… it's me. I know I shouldn't be calling, but I can't just leave you hangin' like I did again. Kathy… she found out I was gonna visit you, and… I couldn't go, Liv. I just couldn't. I'll be back up in the city sometime soon. I know you have a new place and a new life, but damnit, Olivia, I have to see you."

Olivia's heart was pounding. What the hell was going on with Elliot? Was Kathy threatening him? Was she manipulating him into staying? The brunette had no idea, but she knew she was gonna have to figure it out.

"Hey, Liv," Fin interrupted, pulling Olivia out of her own world, and back into reality. "We've got a triple homicide… they need us in Queens, ASAP."

"Why are they callin' us?"

"Domestic violence dispute lead to the shooting of three little girls… Mom's at Bellevue, Dad's MIA."

Olivia closed her eyes, sending a quick thought out to the universe about those little girls, hoping they didn't feel a thing when they left the world. "Okay," she finally said. "We'll all head up there."

Amanda and Olivia did not exchange glances, gestures, or words, and it remained that way until they solved the case, finding the dad, and realizing the mom was actually in on the murders. She couldn't handle having three little girls under the age of five. Olivia and her squad took the case pretty hard, but boy did Amanda take it the wrong way. On more than one occasion, she was found crying about the case - something Rollins would never do, especially at work. But she did, and even though Olivia thought it was partially her fault because of what went down between them, there was much more to the story than Amanda was saying to anyone.

It took almost three weeks for them to solve the case, and by that time, Saturday had rolled around. Olivia was giving up the hope that Elliot would be in New York and actually stop by to see her and talk, and Amanda was damn near close to losing her mind.

Olivia was settling in for the night with a glass of wine and she turned on the television. She had this vision of Amanda showing up again… but she somehow knew it couldn't happen. Amanda was furious with her… wasn't she? But damn, the thought of reliving that night…

The sergeant's thoughts were interrupted when she heard an actual knock at the door. She thought for a moment that it was just her imagination running wild, but then she heard it again, followed by, "Liv… it's me."

Olivia got up, almost spilling her glass of wine, and ran to the door in her pajamas. Was this really happening, or had she just had too much wine? She opened up the door and was greeted with a kiss that made it's way into her apartment and pushed Olivia up against the wall. It was fast and hard, although filled with passion and angst. It wasn't soft or loving like Amanda's kiss the other day.

"El… what are you doing here?" she asked after she pulled away, before another kiss came at her.

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, Liv." This time, he broke the kiss. He leaned in again and Olivia let him. She couldn't decide if this was better or worse than Amanda barging in and kissing her… but before she could choose, she found herself wondering what in the world she was doing thinking about Amanda at a time like this.

She pulled away from Elliot and looked at him carefully. Was he really here? Was this all a part of her imagination?

"Liv?"

"Sorry… I…" she wanted to explain, but she couldn't. She kissed Elliot again. They made out until Elliot began to yank at her shirt. She put her hand on his and pulled back. "Are you still with Kathy?"

Elliot looked away. Of course he was, Olivia thought. This was how it always was. He was always with someone else, and even when it wasn't Kathy, he was with that Dani Beck. He loved Olivia, but he always had someone else. He always had some excuse. "Why does it matter? Olivia… I love you. I want you."

Olivia shook her head, fixing her shirt so that it was covering her midsection again. "Not enough to break up with her," she almost whispered.

Elliot wanted to reply. He wanted to defend himself and tell her how much she meant to him, despite Kathy, despite that relationship, despite his five kids with her. Out of nowhere, though, there was a noise that sounding much like a baby, and Elliot looked confused, his thoughts completely interrupted. "You hear that?"

"That's Noah… my son," she explained, looking at the baby monitor that was lighting up now, and as she went to take off for his room, she realized he had fallen back asleep, as the crying had stopped. Maybe he had a bad dream, or maybe he heard his mother out in the living room… whatever it was, though, it had been long forgotten because Olivia saw on the monitor that his eyes were closed and his breathing was slowed like it did when he was asleep. It was fast, but he had done it before.

"You… have a son?" Elliot asked, looking at her with narrowed eyes. He had a million thoughts running through his mind, but the most important one came up, and he just couldn't let it go. He scratched the back of his head and asked, "Who's the father?"

Olivia knew that was coming, so she let out a quick giggle. "There's no father, Elliot… I adopted Noah," she shook her head, trying to shake what she was about to say from her mind. "I always thought…" she let the thought go, before finishing it. She always thought he would be the lucky dad, but she needed to let it go.

It was like Elliot knew what she was going to say. "I… I wish I could've been here, Liv. I wish I could've at least helped you with him. I'm sure you're an amazing mother," he told her softly, taking her hand in his.

Olivia gave him a gentle smile. "I really love him… more than I've ever loved anything, El. I never thought I would feel this way about another person, but I do, and he's mine."

"I'm happy for you…" he gave her a slight nod. "You… uh, got anymore of that wine? Obviously we need to catch up."

Olivia smiled now. "Yeah… I do."

It was almost midnight when the two had finished off their second bottle of wine. They were in quiet hysterics, laughing about something that happened on the job years ago. They both remembered, though, that Noah was sleeping, so they did their best to keep the noise down.

"So tell me… you got the hots for that blonde?"

Olivia looked at him curiously. "What blonde?"

"You know… the one with you when I almost ran into you with my car," Elliot once again broke out laughing at the memory, but the question really sobered Olivia up.

It was a simple question, and it should have been a simple answer. No, she didn't have feelings for Amanda. But… she felt chills run down her spine at the sound of her name, and she was suddenly unsure what she felt for the other woman.

"Of course not," she tried to cover up, wondering why Elliot would even ask her such a question. "I don't like women, El…"

"Liv… it's fine. I've known for a long time. You're bisexual… I get it."

Olivia's mind was reeling. Was she? She did sleep with Amanda… and she did share a kiss with that Babs Duffy woman, who, ironically, was also bisexual. But… did she ever have feelings for a woman? She didn't think so… but then again, she was a little inebriated, so she wasn't really sure either way.

"I… I'm not… I mean, I don't think I am."

"Olivia," Elliot said, wrapping his arm around her. He hadn't had any wine in a while, and it had gone straight to his head. "I saw the way you used to look at Cabot… and how devastated you were when she went into protection. Did you… not know?"

The brunette let her head fall into her hands. She always had a strong bond with Alex, but was it ever more? No… right? Okay, so maybe they flirted and had drinks together a few times, but she never kissed the other woman, and she certainly never slept with her. She never pined for her love like she did with Elliot Stabler. She never wanted someone like she wanted Elliot. Never.

But now she wondered… because she did sleep with Amanda. And she did have the blonde on her mind lately. The two weren't really what you'd call friends, but Olivia cared for the woman. And ever since they had shared a bed, she thought of her more often.

Olivia ran her hand through her hair. She moved to kiss Elliot again. She wanted to feel him, and she wanted to love him. But something had changed. Maybe it was because he had been gone so long without a word about where he was or what he was up to. Or maybe it was because she and Amanda slept together. Either way, she didn't care, she was just determined to feel Elliot Stabler's arms around her.

They began kissing more passionately. Elliot was nibbling on her lips and Olivia found herself missing the softness of Amanda's lips on hers. She wanted Amanda kissing her… she liked Elliot's roughness, but all she really wanted was the gentleness of Amanda. God, she missed her so much… she missed talking to her, she missed working with her, she missed the way Noah looked at her. And boy did she miss that blonde hair and southern drawl… Olivia had to shake the thought away quickly, though, because she knew that she and the man kissing her would soon be undressed.

"Do you have a condom?"

"I don't keep them around, El… don't you have one?" Olivia asked as Elliot kissed up her body. She squirmed a little bit as he reached her mouth.

"I… didn't think we'd get this far tonight," Elliot told her honestly.

Olivia nodded, feeling a little defeated. She wanted to prove to herself that she didn't need Amanda. Wait… what? No. She was in love with Elliot… wasn't she? God, the alcohol made her feel like that just wasn't true anymore. She used to be in love with him… so entirely in love with him. But now… now she just missed Amanda. "Well, for as much as I'd love to have another Elliot Stabler in this world, I think we should just go to bed," she said, once again ridding herself of the thought of the younger detective.

Elliot smiled and kissed her again. Olivia didn't feel anything. She grabbed a hold of him, though, and kissed him once more just to make sure she definitely didn't feel anything, and all she could feel was his strength and passion, and their friendship between them.

Olivia wanted to cry.


	10. Her Fears & Ghosts

I've been working on this chapter for well over a month, &amp; I gave it my best shot. It's a little cliche, but hopefully it's setting you up for the final chapter, which HOPEFULLY won't take me as long to write. Enjoy!

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The next morning was the hangover from hell. Olivia couldn't see straight when she woke up to Noah crying over the monitor. She grabbed her robe that, unfortunately for her, still smelled like Amanda, and almost screamed as she went in to get her son.

"It's alright, baby," she soothed, lifting him into her arms. She held him tight. She wanted so badly to forget about everything that had gone on last night; all of the realizations she had made, and the fact that the "Elliot era" was over. She wanted to go back to what was familiar, what she knew and loved. But now, she had different interests, and her life no longer revolved around the man she fell asleep with the night before.

Noah finally settled down in Olivia's arms, and when she went out into the kitchen to make him a bottle to drink, she found Elliot making breakfast.

"Why are you awake?" she asked with a smile, getting into one of her cabinets to find the mixture for Noah's formula. She had to get warm water, as well, so that she didn't have to heat the damn thing up. She hated that. It was always either way too hot, or cold enough so that Noah wouldn't take it.

"Wanted to make you breakfast," he returned the smile, and then moved to talk to Noah. "Hey big guy! You're awfully cute, aren't you?" Elliot cooed. Noah hid from him with his hands up on his face, and Elliot gave Olivia a sad smile.

"It's nothing personal; he just doesn't like strangers…" Olivia said before realizing what she had really said. She wanted to take it back, but she knew that she couldn't. "Not that you're a stranger, but he doesn't know you, El—"

"No, I get it… I had five of my own, remember? And now a granddaughter… Ella."

"That's a beautiful name… I'm sure she looks like you." the brunette smiled at the thought of another little Stabler girl running around. Elliot's daughters were beautiful when they were younger, and their personalities came out as they got older, making them especially lovely. Olivia loved those kids so much, and now she really understood what it was like to have her own. Sure, Noah would never look like her, but by God, she would make sure that he inherited some of her good traits.

Elliot nodded. "She doesn't, really. She looks more like…" Elliot trailed off, not having to finish the sentence for Olivia to know what name he was about to say. Kathy. It always came back to Kathy.

Olivia nodded and made a face before leaving the kitchen to feed her son.

"Liv…" he called after her, before she turned around.

"Elliot, I don't need you to pretend like you don't love her around me. I know you do. You always have, and you always will. She's the mother of your children. I'm your… I don't even know what I am, but it doesn't matter anymore."

Elliot gave her a strange look. "What do you mean it doesn't matter? Liv, I came here for you. I am in love with you!"

Olivia swallowed hard. "But I'm not in love with you…" she said, as her voice began to tremble. "You… you remember that blonde you met? The one with me in the parking garage?" When Elliot didn't answer, Olivia continued in a whisper, "I… I think I love her."

Elliot didn't say anything. He looked at her and then down at the eggs on the stove, not even phased by the fact that they were now burning. Not on fire, burning, but they were getting a little crisp.

Olivia nodded, and then sniffed, trying to hold back her tears. "Okay," she told herself. She walked into the other room and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She wasn't sure if Elliot would ever talk to her again after that, and she wasn't sure he wouldn't light the place ablaze. But, she hoped that she could get him talking over breakfast, given he didn't burn her apartment building down first.

"You should tell her."

Olivia had just let Noah down to play and was watching him do so as she wiped some formula off of her robe. She was going to wean him off of it, but it was taking a little longer than anticipated. She wanted him to be done with formula around a year old, but it was hard… he loved it, and Olivia wanted to make sure he was still going to eat solid foods and not fuss about not having his bottle.

When she heard Elliot's voice, she looked up, and he set a plate down in front of her. Freshly made eggs, toast, and bacon, cooked to perfection. She saw he had a plate that looked about the same for himself, so she wasn't sure what had happened to the eggs she had seen him burning ten minutes ago.

"What?" she asked, unsure if she heard him correctly or not. Either way, she made a sour face, and didn't know if she liked the advice he may or may not have wanted to give her.

"Tell that blonde that you have feelings for her," he half repeated, adding a little more to his first comment so that she understood exactly what he was taking about. He sat down beside her, picking up his fork and taking a bite of what he'd just prepared.

Olivia took a breath. "No."

"Why not?"

The brunette let go of the breath she was holding. "Well, for starters… I'm her sergeant, El. I don't think internal affairs would the least bit interested to hear that I wasn't harassing her, I was telling her I had feelings for her," she hypothetically posed, shuddering at the thought of that actually happening.

"I'm pretty sure she has feelings for you, too, Liv," Elliot explained, lacing his fingers together on his lap. He couldn't believe she was after a woman. After all of the years that they had been… whatever they had been, and now that he had spilled his guts to her, she turned him down for this woman. Not that he had a problem with Olivia being with a woman, but it killed him that she wanted someone else.

"Yeah… I don't know… I was pretty harsh with her last time was spoke."

Elliot took her hand with his and smiled at her. "I'm sure she'll give you another chance. She really likes you, Liv."

"Yeah? And how would you know?" she asked, looking down at her son who was still playing peacefully on the ground.

"Because she looks at you the way I do…" he told her with pursed lips. He felt sad, but at the same time he felt relief. He didn't have to worry about hurting her anymore. Now, she could go be with the blonde lady, and he could go back to his life. He had a beautiful granddaughter to focus on now, and that made him so happy.

"El…"

He shook his head. "Go tell her."

"Elliot—"

"I'll watch Noah. Just go tell her how you feel."

Olivia ran like she had never run before. She took a cab for most of the way, but there was a traffic jam by Amanda's place, so she had to get out and move on her feet for a block or so. And she did. She ran the fastest she had ever run… chasing a perp had nothing on her like Amanda did. She made it up the six flights of stairs, and as she went to knock on Amanda's door, she realized it was unlocked.

Olivia cleared her throat, taking a deep breath. "Amanda?" she called, still thinking it was best to knock… she didn't want to walk in on something. What that something might be, though, she didn't even want to think about. "Amanda?" she knocked a little stronger, calling her name a little louder.

She thought it was peculiar that Amanda wasn't home and left her door unlocked, so she took a gulp and opened the door. She walked inside a little, and asked, "Amanda?" into the air.

"Liv?" Amanda called with a cracked voice, from what was either the detective's bedroom or bathroom. She ran out, her face flushed from what Olivia could only assume were Amanda's tears, and avoided eye contact. "Liv… I uh… I'm kinda busy," she managed to say, her voice trembling with sadness.

"Amanda, what's going on?" Olivia asked gently, getting closer to her.

Amanda held out her hands, motioning for Olivia to stop, as she backed up. "Nothin', I'm fine. But please, go… I am… in the middle of somethin'."

Olivia had dealt with victims of rape and assault for the past sixteen years of her life. She had also dealt with their families, and those who simply avoided the truth no matter what the cost. She felt that Amanda was in a situation she couldn't escape right now, but it scared Olivia not to know what that situation was. Nevertheless, she said, "Okay… fine. Can I wait on your couch?"

Amanda looked up at the ceiling and took a frustrated breath. Her leg shook from the anxiousness coursing through her. "Please, please go? I'm fine, I promise I'm fine."

"Then why are you so upset?" Olivia asked, looking at her carefully, her eyes saddened by Amanda's words and actions. Not only that, but she felt that maybe the reason she had come here wasn't so important, now, and she really didn't know if she'd ever have the courage to bring it up to Amanda again… if Amanda even felt the same way anymore.

Amanda opened her mouth to answer when a phone began to vibrate and simultaneously beep. Over, and over, and over. Much too long for a text or a phone call. Olivia and Amanda's eyes locked in a stare. The blonde opened her mouth, but only a frustrated cry came out. Olivia didn't know what to do, so she went over and hugged the detective tightly. "Shh… you're okay, Amanda. It's okay."

Olivia now understood what was going on. Amanda thought she was pregnant. Olivia had had a pregnancy scare or two, and the only reason Amanda would let herself go like this was because she didn't know if she was carrying a child. Another human being. Olivia had been there herself.

"Honey…" Olivia soothed, rubbing her back. "C'mon. Let's go see what's goin' on. Put your mind at ease…"

Amanda could barely stand, but she managed to nod. "Okay," she was able to whisper before she wiped her tears as best she could, and lead Olivia to the bathroom where the test was.

There it was, sitting on the edge of the bathroom sink.

"You know, there's a chance this could be wrong," Olivia soothed as best she could. She pursed her lips, and held Amanda's hand, not knowing how else to comfort the younger woman.

"I… I can't look, Liv. W-will you do it for me?"

Olivia nodded as she swallowed the lump in the back of her throat. If she was pregnant, she would probably want to be with Nick, right? The father of her child… the man she had slept with time and time again, even though Amanda knew she had feelings for someone else. So, what did that mean for her? She'd spend even more of her life, pining away for someone she couldn't have? God, she'd spent just as long doing that as she had being part of the SVU squad.

With a shaky hand, she picked up the stick, and read it. She looked at Amanda and turned the stick around. "It's negative."

Amanda had her eyes closed when Olivia showed it to her, so when she opened them, they automatically widened. A huge smile formed on her face and she had a let out a laugh in spite of the drama that had just unfolded in her apartment. "Really? Liv… that means… oh my God! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she cried, new tears running down her face. This time they were tears of happiness, and now, she hugged Olivia differently. Her body felt so light and weightless, whereas before, it was so heavy and upset.

"I didn't do anything," Olivia shook her head, leaning into the hug. She never wanted to let Amanda go.

"Maybe not, but you were here for me, Liv," Amanda told her seriously. "And that means the world to me," she said, pulling away so she could look into Olivia's eyes. They were so beautiful, and so full of relief.

Olivia nodded, and then looked down, as a smile crept up on her face.

"So, why are you here, anyway, sergeant?" Amanda asked, wiping her cheeks again, making sure she'd gotten all of the tears off, and then smiling at the brunette before her. "I know you didn't come over because your detective intuition was calling."

"Nah…" Olivia almost giggled. "I came here to tell you something, Amanda. And I don't know why I didn't realize it before, but last night I was with Elliot, and it all—"

"Elliot?"

It struck a nerve. Amanda was once again unamused, and her tone of voice definitely let the other woman know.

Olivia closed her eyes momentarily. "Just listen, please?" Amanda gave her a nod, and Olivia continued, "I was with Elliot last night, and I realized… I realized I have feelings for you. I… I love you, Amanda Rollins."

Amanda had to laugh in spite of herself. She could not believe what she was hearing, and especially after what had just happened… but, nevertheless, Amanda genuinely smiled, shaking her head. "You do, huh?" she asked, raising her brows playfully.

"Yes… I really, really do," Olivia admitted, but before she had time to say anything else, Amanda was kissing her, and that was when the sergeant realized that she didn't really have anything else she needed to say.


	11. Falling Together

It's short, it's sweet, &amp; it's simple. This is the final chapter, but I have decided to do a sequel, so there'll be more of this if you want to read it (: Thank you for the support! xo

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On the way back to Olivia's place, the older woman explained that Elliot was watching Noah, and that even though she was with Elliot the night before, she didn't have sex with him. Amanda was relieved to hear that, and understood a little better why Olivia was kind of upset that she had slept with Nick previous to her just showing up at Liv's door.

Amanda wasn't opposed to any of it; even the thought of Elliot spending time with Noah warmed Amanda's heart a little because she knew that if Elliot had been there, he would have been a father figure to the little guy. And now that he was back in Olivia's life, it may just play out like that. She hoped, though, that in time, she could be a big part of Noah's life, as well as Olivia's, and that maybe one day they'd even be a family.

"So, sergeant," Amanda teased, "What are you gonna do about IAB? We're gonna have to tell them if you want to… be in a relationship with me."

Olivia looked at her for a moment.

"Too soon for that?" the blonde asked, now seriously wondering if it had been too soon for that comment. Oh well, she thought. At least she had Olivia to herself for the sum of an hour of her life.

"No… I just… I don't know what I'm going to tell them," Olivia ran her hands through her hair. She really did need to figure that out, but right now, she couldn't even think about it. She knew that the sooner she told them, the better it would be, but she also knew that they would try to spin it around and make it seem like she and Amanda had been together for a while, which wasn't true. She hated IAB most of the time.

"Well, it'll have to be soon, but I don't think we have to worry about it right this second… sorry I brought it up," she quickly apologized, looking up at Olivia carefully.

She shook her head with a smile. "No, you're just being realistic… I appreciate that."

Amanda nodded, "You, uh, think Elliot's gonna be mad you're bringin' me back to your place?" she asked gently, trying to change the subject, but not completely succeeding. 'Jesus, Amanda, just act cool,' she told herself internally.

Olivia shrugged. "It's my place."

Amanda liked this side of Olivia, and brushed her hand over Olivia's. It was easy to reach. Amanda, in long shorts and a t-shirt, and Olivia, in a similar outfit, stood very close to each other as they walked back to Olivia's place. Sure, it might take a while, but it was good exercise, and definitely good for them to get some fresh air. It was pretty humid out, but still, nothing like the weekend of the fourth of July.

Olivia looked over at her. "We can't out here."

"I know," Amanda quipped. "But please know that I want to."

The brunette smiled at her, and then thought about what Amanda wanted… to kiss her, of course! She wanted to pull Olivia into her arms and surrender to her lips. It would be so sweet and lovely, just to escape the world for a even just a few moments.

"So do I," Olivia smiled, and the two continued on their journey to Olivia's apartment.

Olivia walked inside her apartment, followed by Amanda, and Elliot had Noah laying on his chest, just about asleep.

"Shh…" Elliot told the women who just entered. Olivia's heart was happy, because now Elliot was back in her life, in a way he never had been before. They were friends. He knew about Noah, and he knew about her feelings for Amanda… maybe if Kathy knew she was with a woman, she wouldn't be so upset, and they could keep in touch. She could see Eli, who was now… six years old! Olivia couldn't believe that! And she could see Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth, and Dicky. She loved those kids so much, and she missed them just as much.

Amanda looked over at Olivia and saw the smile on her face. It was a smile of love, but Amanda knew that it wasn't a smile of being "in love". She smiled, too. She had to. Olivia looked radiant with that look upon her face, and knowing that Noah got to have a father-like-figure in his life now, made Amanda so thankful. If she were to be a part of Olivia and Noah's family some day, she had to put his needs first, and she was already doing that.

Olivia grabbed Amanda's hand and gave her a soft smile before letting it go and walking over to Elliot, carefully leading the man to Noah's room where the two got him settled in his crib. When they came back out, Olivia shut the door behind them, and looked at Elliot. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

"El… this is Amanda Rollins…" she said with a hushed tone. Not being she was ashamed or anything, but because she wanted to make sure they didn't wake Noah up after putting him down. A few moments of them speaking quietly wouldn't hurt, and it made for a happy mother and baby.

"I never would've guessed," Elliot teased, before looking at Amanda. "Amanda, it's great to meet you, but before I shake your hand, I have to say that I'm sorry for how I treated you the first time we met… It was completely uncalled for, and I feel like an idiot."

It was the blonde's turn to smile now. "Don't worry about it, it's already forgotten," Amanda told him, reaching out her hand. "Nice to meet you."

Elliot nodded. "So, did you…" the ex-detective trailed off, looking at Olivia.

"She did," Amanda stepped in, with a grin and a nod. "She told me how she felt, and I… I feel the same way about her."

"Great! See, told ya," Elliot smiled at Olivia and Olivia blushed at the conversation. She did not feel like discussing this with Elliot Stabler, but at the same time, she didn't mind because he was the one who told her to pursue it. "I actually have to get going… because Kathy's gonna kill me if I don't get out of here, but I want us to get together, Liv… all of us," he said, motioning to Amanda.

"I'd like that," Olivia said, as tears stung her eyes. All of a sudden, it was coming to an end. She and Elliot were really over, and they both had someone else to go home to. She finally had closure, and her heart ached for a moment. She remembered everything they had been through… all too well, if she were being honest. But then, something wonderful happened. She looked at Amanda and Amanda held her hand. She knew everything was going to be okay. She and Amanda were going to tell internal affairs about their relationship when it came time, she had a baby that she loved with her whole heart, and Elliot… well, Mr. Stabler was going to be in her life, too. As a friend… a friend she could actually count on.

Elliot leaned in to hug Olivia, and she held him tightly. "Promise we'll see each other soon," she whispered to him.

"Absolutely. I'm going home to tell Kathy about you and Amanda, and see if we can work something out. I left my number on your refrigerator, in case you need anything."

Olivia smiled. "It was great to see you, El. Really."

"You, too." Elliot said, pulling away. He and Amanda shared a quick hug, and the former detective was on his way.

"You… okay?" Amanda asked, turning to Olivia, looking into her dark orbs. She searched for answers, but they only came when Olivia gave her a warm smile.

"I'm perfect, honey." Olivia answered, pulling Amanda into a kiss. And that was all either one of them wanted, each other.


End file.
